Fool

Call me a fool
Say it
Scream it
I’m used to it
I don’t care anymore
So many times
That poor girl
Her head in the clouds
Her dreams in the sky
Floating away
On a cloud of expectations
And hopeless love
Always wanting more
Never satisfied
Never enough
More
More
More
That poor girl
She’s been like this
Since birth
How?
Why?
When did she lose her mind?
Somewhere along the way
I suppose
Oh that poor mad girl
Walking that path all alone
There she goes
Toward the sea
Toward that city
Far across the Atlantic
Chiming bells
Must have summoned her
Bless her
Poor
Mad
Soul
When did it all go wrong?
Call me a fool
But you made me this way
When did she go so mad
They will say
Maybe it was that day
All her dreams died
And she buried them
In that garden
Back in London
Where the flowers will bloom
Fitting for the neighborhood
Virginia Woolf
Keeping watch
One mad woman to another
Must stick together darling
Call me a fool
Do it
I don’t care anymore
I’m your fool
Your pretty little fool
When my dreams went
So did my mind
It followed right along
I guess I am
That mad girl
I guess I am
Just
Some
Fucking
Fool.

Original Work: KH 10/29/14

Punch

Seeing that picture
Was like a punch
A gut punch
Right in my stomach
That feeling
I know it so well
Where it feels like
My stomach is falling
From a very great height
And crashing to the floor
That deep
Aching
Painful
Sadness
That resonates
Deep in your organs
Until it shakes you
And you just want to sleep
Until it feels
Like that darkness
Is seeping from the inside
Out
And you’re being consumed
By the emptiness
Until it paints you
From head to toe
It was that feeling
That gut punch
That picture
Goddamn
Goddamn
I hate that picture
And I hate you.

Original Work: KH 10/29/14

200

You wouldn’t understand
Even if you could,
That’s why I’ve written
200 poems
Trying to explain it.
And even now,
That’s not enough
You’ll never know
I’ll never know
And neither will the universe.
I suppose
I’ll have to write
200 more.

Original Work: KH 10/29/14

Void

I felt that void opening up again
That never ending abyss
I saw it, clearly
Darkness upon darkness
As I peered down into the unknown
As that emptiness expanded
Threatening to devour everything
In its path
I stood on the edge
The precipice
Of that all too familiar void
That one that had become my friend
And held my hand
And pulled me in
Tightly
In a suffocating embrace
Every time I allowed happiness
To fill my eyes
The darkness saw
The void knew
The abyss grew angry
The emptiness was displeased
It wished to have me all to itself
And blanket me
Destroy me
Until I saw nothing
But the infinite darkness
Of that black hole
That I was falling into
Forevermore
Always knocking
On that hellish door
It beckoned me
Whispering my name
Wishing
To make me feel
At home
Oh this void
It wished to
Paint me
With the darkness
That colored its walls
Wrap me
In its eternal shade of midnight blue
Breathe
Breathe
Just breathe
Let the light find you
I had to save myself
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you too.

Original Work: KH 10/29/14

Cheshire Cat

And the cheshire cat beckoned the way
Sage advice
He gave that day
I should have heeded
His weary tale
But like always
Without fail
I didn’t listen
And lost it all
My way
My heart
My mind
My soul
Oh I shouldn’t
Have let
That cheshire cat go
I should have asked
To hear a bit more
Maybe one day
He’ll show up at my door
That is
If I find my solitary way
Out of Wonderland
And that darkness
That lay
Ahead, behind, and all around
I’m standing on unsteady
Shaking ground…

Original Work: KH 10/27/14

Blossom

It was like
A rare flower
One that blooms
Once every 5 years
10 years
100 years
1,000 years
I felt it blossom
In my heart
All of the petals
Shooting out
Of my fingertips
Until I was bursting
With color
And beauty
Enchanted in a way
I cannot fully explain
Even today
I have trouble
Putting into words
That exact feeling
All I know
Is after several weeks
Of living there
I left on a train
For a weekend away
To a beautiful city
Of light
And love
The sunshine
Beaming
Painting everything gold
Yet when I returned
That Monday night
Arriving on a train
At St. Pancras station
At that quiet time
The darkest hour
I wished the kiss the ground
Because I was back
In London Town
The city ignited my soul
And I finally turned
From caterpillar
Into butterfly
And I’ve
Never
Looked
Back.
That’s why I love London.
That’s why it still holds my heart
In all its charming corners
From Tower Bridge
To Portobello Road
From South Kensington
To Russell Square Station
From Camden
To Bayswater
From Hyde Park
To Tavistock Square.
I guess I’ll have
To go back one day
And retrieve my heart…
Or maybe when I get there
I’ll finally be able to stay
Forever.

Original Work: KH 10/25/14

Blueprint

I was always so worried
About sharing myself
The real me
Worried that people
Would think I was fake
A fraud
A failure
A mess
Until I realized
That I am none of those things
Because what I imagined perfection to be
Doesn’t exist
There’s no such thing
As a perfect person
There’s no mould
Or formula
To create
The “Right” kind of person
Were are all people
Messed up
Disasters
A bit mad
Looking
Hoping
Dreaming
That we’re alright
That we’re enough
That we’re what we’re supposed to be
And guess what?
We are.
Because there is no such thing
As the right type of person.
That doesn’t exist.
We are all flawed creations
Beautiful in our lost wandering
Walking paths
Trying to reach something unattainable
That we can’t even verbalize
Or visualize.
I am ok
As me
As who I am
Because there is no blueprint
For what a human being
Is supposed to be
We’re Picasso’s paintings
Not robots
We are art
Not machinery
Breathe in the joy of your existence
Let the romantic heartbeats of life
Consume you
Let life live inside of your soul
Paint the Earth
With the colors
Of your masterpiece.

Original Work: KH 10/23/14

Unknown

I wish to seek
Some place unknown
To my mind
My heart
And soul
Somewhere that has a sky
That’s a different shade of blue
From the one I see
At my current view
I wish to find some emerald grass
Greener than what I’ve ever seen
To simply lie in
The wildflowers in the wind they lean
I wish to know a land
Where my spirit
Can be at peace
Where I breathe in
And out
In
And
Out
And see everything before me
Where the sunlight enters my skin
And fills me to my core
As the beams shoot out
From every pore
I wish to find this place
I seek and search
Some unknown refuge
From this place I call my home
But my heart
I’m afraid
Was lost somewhere along the way
I left it somewhere I can’t recall
But I search and search
In familiar places
I seek the unknown
I seek somewhere knew
That voice in my head
It speaks anew
But maybe
Dear girl
What you’ve been seeking
Anew
All this time
Has been staring
Right back at you.

Original Work: KH 10/24/14