4:19

You’re still sleeping
under heavy London skies,
I’m still reeling,
awake and sinking,
suffocating
dreaming of breathing.
Midwestern winds
howling autumn hymns,
4:19 lights up your phone
my message reads
“Come back to me,”
let me come back to you
and see where I left
it all when it all fell through
and I painted green eyes blue
and I miss your skin
and thick, full hair and the smell
of your shampoo and
you
and London too.
Weeks have passed and
it’s not better
the weather
is killing me
even your rain could maybe save
whatever is dead inside of me.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
It’s too late for all of that
5 am is coming fast
for you
and then comes 6 and
7
then
8
and it will be
far too late
for coffee or tea
or whatever you fancy
as you Mind The Gap
while I was sleeping
dreaming
in a country
still asleep
apart from me
for I will check my phone
at 4 am
and know it’s 9 for you
walking through
Primrose Hill
or Camden Town
or Hampstead toward
the Heath
and I’ll know you’re out of reach
three weeks isn’t that long
but it’s long enough to be forgotten
by you
and London too.

Original Work: KEH 11.10.16

Santa Monica

sea foam painted sea glass
sunk into the sockets of his face,
Santa Monica sunshine
glazing summer skin

cerulean skies, limoncello light,
ignite tie-dyed waves,
come crashing into tanned legs
tangled with mine
trapeze twirling limbs
our breath born into hymns

hands deep in searing sand
clamouring for cool
in the harbour heat
sipping sex on the beach
on the beach towels,
spilled on skin, melting in mouths
the Pier caked in Pacific salt
heavy in the air-

it tasted like him

crank of the carousel,
carnival aria,
kaleidoscope
blurring sun drunk eyes,
his candy floss lips
against mine,
round and round
spinning
into Santa Monica
sunsets

fairy lights of the ferris wheel
take me home
damp white cotton sheets
damp white cotton
between my legs
his weight
anchors me
fingers grip his hip
salt above his lip
tangled in his sea swept hair
tongues tasting sweet summer sweat

“when I’m fucked up that’s the real me…”
bass booming
shaking the bed
cannabis zephyr
in post-coital air
his sea foam sea glass

illuminated

by Santa Monica stars.

[Original Work, belongs to me, the author: K.E.H. Written: March 2016 in England.]

My Bed

Maybe
Someday
You’ll make your home
In my bed
And I can feel you
Against my back
Wrapped around my body
As I sleep
Finally at peace
Relaxed
Able to breathe
I want to wake up
Near you
So I can watch your eyes flutter
As you come back to life
And feel you pull me close
As I’m trying to leave the bed
Pull me
Pull me
As close as you can
I want to melt into you
And feel every part of your body
Against mine
I want you so close to me
It keeps me awake
When I can’t sleep
How I miss watching you breathe
I miss everything
I can barely even write this
Well enough
To explain how much
I need you here
Right now
Immediately
In my bed
And me.
Original Work: KH 11/21/14

Galaxy

That sadness still comes calling
But I no longer hear its voice
It screams and cries
Into empty space
A quiet place
With just the sound of my heart beating
And I can seek peace
It calls to me
But I don’t come running
Not anymore
That door is closed
Locked
And the key thrown away
Better days
Better days
Are coming
My sadness screams into the void
The emptiness it created
The vacuum it left behind
When it sucked all the joy
And happiness
And pleasure
From my life
So many years ago
But now the sound is trapped
And it cannot be heard
I’ve cut the vocal chords
And it screams in agony
Wishing it could have its power
Once more
But it is weak
And I am strong
My sadness was a black hole
That I was orbiting
A planet on the verge of being swallowed whole
By crushing darkness
And vast emptiness
And like the black hole itself
I had no idea what would happen
If I went over that edge
Which is why I fought back
And left my orbit to find a new home
Amongst the shining stars
Of a galaxy born anew
Fresh and scintillating
Glittering across the darkness of the universe
And I became the brightest star of the darkest night
And I will continue to fight
Until I burn out and collapse
A dying star
Who will once again be reborn
And will continue to adorn
This new corner of space
Where are the broken hearts
And lost souls can congregate
And sadness is banished for eternity
Light will shine
Even in the darkness of nothing
My glow will illuminate the galaxy
All the lost stars
And me.

Original Work: KH 4/30/15

Fleetwood

I think of you
And I hear Silver Springs
“Blue green colors flashin”
Like Stevie sang to me
From then until now
You were my broken dream
Love gone wrong
When it could have been
Everything
Her voice haunts me
And like she said
My voice will haunt you too
It was all a sepia tinged memory
Of bygone times
When we could ramble around
The world
And find our hearts
Beating to the rhythm
Of your guitar
And that long hair
Like you’d stepped out
Of Exile on Main St.
Or some Polaroid with tattered corners
Taken from the wings
Backstage
At a show in some city
I couldn’t name
Even if I wanted to
Maybe it was Los Angeles
Or Stockholm
Who really knows
Fleeting, fleeting
We were breaths of love
Caught in the wind
Never reaching their destination
But trapped by the tornado
Of all the things we tried to say
But never could
You weren’t my Silver Springs
But a quiet corner of England
I couldn’t name
Even if I wanted to
Where the hills meet the sky
And I can see the green of your eyes
As they find mine
I loved you then
Where did you go?
Not even the Earth does know…

Original Work: KH 2015

London Came Calling

I can still see your fingers
Gripping the white cotton of your sheets
As my nails painted your back scarlet
Like a Pollock
As your hot breath played with my right ear
And your soft brown curls
Fell across your forehead
And covered the green of my eyes
I can still feel you between my thighs
As we both got so damn high
As you pinned my hands to the bed
And I completely lost my head
Focusing on your ink
To try and breathe again
As the room began to spin
And you took me
Because I let you have me
I wanted you to take it
And I knew you’d do it well
As my voice shook my lungs
And the windows in your bedroom
All the way in North London
They probably could have heard me
In Westminster
Drowning out Big Ben
As it struck three am
And I felt you falling apart
And you could match my voice
Moan for moan
Although your voice
Had a much better tone
I should hope so anyway
To meet you by chance
A Knightsbridge afternoon
I still think of you
From time to time
Between my thighs
As they ache for you
When the night is long
And you’re miles away
Always in a different place
We loved that song
Wild horses love
Wild horses love
Oh they’d never drag me away…

Original Work: KH 5/8/15

Restless

You were that restless feeling
Behind my eyes
When I tried to drift away
And fall into a soft sleep
Yet I felt that urge
And mindless longing
Pulling at the wiring in my mind
Until my green eyes awoke
And stared at the light of the moon
Until the break of dawn
Came calling as the birds sang their song
You weren’t the peace of early morning
You’re the madness of midnight
And all that loneliness
That eats me alive
As I lie in a bed too big
For just me
Restless as the ghost
Of what we once were.

Original Work: K.H. 5.27.15

The Sun Will Rise

I lie in bed
And all the voices
In my head
Come screaming
To the forefront
Of every thought
I’ve ever had
And I doubt myself
And everything I am
The color of the sky
And the green of your eyes
I could say I love you
But the voices tell me
No
I am loved by no one
And they remind so
I am alone
Adrift
At sea
Anchorless
And floating free
From here to eternity
The voices say I’m mad
And maybe it’s really true
I see everything around me
From cityscape
To morning dew
And then I see you
Upon a hill that cannot be reached
Up there you love
To quietly preach
What you love
And who you are
Born from dust
Of the furthest star
When the voices try to fight me
Break me into two
But I know better
I’ve learned their tricks
I’ve built a wall
Brick by brick
Upon that mountaintop we reign
Life and love are not a game
The voices take their leave
But will return
I’ll burn them down
Their ashes to an urn
I made for them
One sunny day
When pain was kept
Far at bay
For I learned very long ago
The sun will rise
And the wind will blow
And fields of flowers
Will banish snow
And off to wonderland
We go
One day
One day
When the sun does rise
And you exhale
All your lies
The will shine
All day till night
And set again
The last rays of light
In the west
On Pacific shores
And I will finally say
No more
No more
No more
Enough, now…
Enough.

Original Work: Kelsey H. 3/13/15