I have learned that I truly do have an issue with dissatisfaction. I seem to never be fully satisfied with anything in my life. When I return from a trip, I immediately want to leave again. When I have a job, I always imagine a better job. When I have a night out with friends, I imagine how much better it’d be if I was somewhere else, somewhere better. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for everything that I have, and all of the wonderful experiences I have had in my life. I am truly blessed, and lucky, very very lucky in fact. But it seems like no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter what is happening, I am never satisfied. It’s like having a thirst that is unquenchable. And I do not know why this happens, or what it stems from. It’s like I’m an addict, always looking for the fix of a new and better experience, like it gets me high or something. The rush of excitement and adrenaline I get from going somewhere new, when those feelings are mixed with a bit of fear, and happiness, it’s what I live for. It just doesn’t seem to matter how much stuff I do, how many places I go, it seems like nothing is ever enough to satisfy my appetite for what whatever it is that drives me, and fuels this need for satisfaction and excitement that lives inside of me.
I usually just say it’s because I want to live my life to the fullest, and have as many experiences as I possibly can. And to an extent, that is very true. I want to see the world, and truly, honestly live, and be completely and utterly alive all of the time. But, at what point does this need, this thirst for life, excitement, and fulfillment, cross the line and become a problem? When does dissatisfaction, chronic dissatisfaction, become an issue? I truly think about this a lot, and wonder why the life I lead isn’t enough, why I’m constantly craving more, craving something better. I am going to really try to simply live my life, and be content, or at least try to be content, and try to be happy as well. I’m really going to make an effort to appreciate life, and the simple, small moments and parts of it that I probably overlook, because I’m constantly looking for my next fix of excitement and experience. Life is not just big moments, but the little ones as well, that all begin to add up one day, and make everything important, real, and worth it, in the end.
A journey from inside my head, out into the world 