Change

Sometimes I wonder, is making a huge change a good thing? Is it always good, or is it sometimes a bad decision in the end? I think about this quite often. Should I simply pack my bags and move, and just start over somewhere completely new, where I don’t know anyone, or anything? Or, should I stay here, and continue to trudge ahead, working and writing, in the hope that I get accepted into grad school for the Fall 2015 semester? Can I even make it that long, living here? I hate this town so much, it wears me down on a daily basis, and has been true for as long as I’ve lived here. I don’t know how I can make it until next summer/fall living here. But, is that the price I pay for the possibility of this incredible opportunity, grad school abroad? Is the possibility of making that change, moving across the Atlantic, worth another year of misery? Especially if nothing is guaranteed? What if I don’t get into any of the schools I’m applying to, will I have wasted more time? What if I go to grad school, and still can’t find a job and fulfilling career, would it have been worth it? Worth the time and money? I think so, but I don’t know, I’m always so plagued by doubt and second guessing, it’s truly exhausting. I am moving next summer regardless, so I guess I will just see if I’m moving across the Atlantic, or across the country to the West Coast. Is change always good? I don’t know, maybe not, but for me, personally, I believe that the possibility of change is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Here’s hoping I make the right change.

Stardust

I take your love
The love I keep for you
In my heart
And hold it in my hands
I need it out of my body
Out of every part of me
Out of my blood
My soul
I carry it in my palms
The palms of my small hands
Hands that were overwhelmed by yours
When you’d wrap your hand around me
And I could feel your love
My hand has been hollow and empty since then
But now I fill it with my love for you
And try not to crush it
So delicate and gentle
Like fine silk that tied us together
My love for you has never left
But merely faded
But I want it no more
As it sits here
In my hand
I take a deep breath
And quietly
Softly
Silently
Like the sound of snow falling
In an untouched field
I put my lips together
And I let my air push it out of my hands
Until it flies through the air
The breeze
The wind
Carried into eternity
Where you and I will always live
Forever
Our love will always be interwoven
Into the fabric of time
It will live there until time ends
Our love is for the ages now
For
The past
The present
The future
Until it carries through the emptiness of space
And mingles with the stardust of eternity.

Original Work: KH 8/15/14

Your Song

Every word you say
Is a note I play
In the song I wrote
About you
That plays on a loop
Inside my mind
Long after you’re gone
When you’ve left me
Quietly alone
And there’s not a sound in the world
Except your words
Your notes
Playing
Endlessly
Until time runs out
And those notes
Echo
Into
Eternity.

Original Work: KH 8/8/14

The Long Way Home

he chose to walk home a different way
where memories of her could be kept at bay
where he wouldn’t smell the flowers that laced her perfume
or the sound of church bells that could have been their future tune
he took the long way home
where she couldn’t hide behind corners
or lurk in dark shadows
where he wouldn’t see that bakery
where he got her cake last year
the one with the roses in purple
she loved that because it was unique
but along the canal he walked and thought
his music on shuffle and pummeling his ear drums
he shouldn’t have chosen music today
for the long walk to home and away
for just as he felt the ghost of her
lift off his back
that song came on
that song
that song
the one they used to sing
and every moment
every breath
came rushing into his mind
his heart
and he felt it all
a pit in his stomach
he saw everything
flash before his eyes
every day
every hour
every minute
and suddenly she filled the world
and he smelled those flowers wafting through the air
and the church bells began to ring as a new hour struck
and there she was in the shadows
all of it was back forever
and there was nothing he could do
he closed his eyes and took a breath
he took out his iPod and hit next
he turned the corner to find his pub
he saw the lads waiting with a pint already on the table
he smiled and tried to forget her and their fable.

Original Work: KH 8/3/14

Abyss

And all those sirens in my head
Wailing into the dreary darkness of the night
Until my mind is shaken and stirred
And withering away into madness
Exhaustion gripping my nerves
Feeling something deep inside
That is tinged with fantasy
And irrationality
My skin feeling electric
And barely clinging to my bones
A long way off into some unreachable distance
I exist in a plane that I can barely describe
Filled with twisted trees and melancholy paths
Drenched in darkness where sun dare not shine
Oh all those quick thoughts
That dart through my mind
Like shooting stars
Sucked into a black hole
An abyss
That waits in a place hidden from view
My mind is filled with frayed nerves
And crossed wires
Alive and bathed in maddening light
Existing in a parallel universe
Which I can only reach from time to time.

Original Work: KH 6/24/14

I’ll Wait For You On The Bakerloo

Meet me at Charing Cross Station,
On the Bakerloo Line,
I’ll give you all of my secrets,
I’ve kept locked deeply inside,
I’ll give you my hand,
Which you may hold,
Together we’ll check the time,
Down the stairs we descend,
As the tube pulls in,
Together we stand side by side,
And alight when the train does arrive,
Off into that London sunset,
Metaphorically we will ride,
Meet me at Charing Cross Station,
On the Bakerloo Line,
You say you’re sorry,
And I say it back,
And together we’ll forever be fine.

Original Work: KH 5/18/14

To The Sea…

…And the waves crashed and rolled,
Bringing back the love I lost,
The love I lost brought back to me,
The love I lost,
To the wild and untamed sea,
Where you dissolved into the salty scape,
Your spirit swirled with the deepest blue,
Until there was nothing left of you,
And you were gone,
And drifting into nothingness,
Nothingness and everything,
Together tightly laced,
Lost to eternity’s
Gripping, endless
Embrace,
You were floating gently,
Through unobstructed time,
As the crystal water danced
To the rhythm of your beating heart,
With such passion it would pound,
It moved the floor and sky of sea,
As you lay between the water sheets,
Of the ocean bed you now called home,
As you had left me quietly alone,
And you embarked on life untamed,
Your mind demanded refuge,
In a world untouched by shame,
And you loved those simple moments,
Blissful, and tasting of empty peace,
As nature swallowed you whole,
A curse upon it’s unique domain,
It ate you alive,
Until you were lost in it’s wild home,
Until you began to drown,
And there was nothing there to save you,
Dear love, the sea cannot hold you,
It will smother you instead,
It will end you, and think not twice,
You reached to sky,
Your feet traced the grains of sand to shore,
Waves did roll and crash on repeat,
As the sun warmed you with its heat,
And brought once again your lost soul to land,
Into our dear, earthly home,
Into our sheet-tangled bed.

Original Work: KH 5/23/14

Remember, Remember…

I think of you,
I think about you,
I have to,
Once in a while,
I must remember you,
Remember,
I must recall your face,
And smile,
And voice,
Although,
That’s the hardest to remember,
And it breaks my heart,
I think of you,
I must,
Remember, remember,
Because, from that time,
If the memories fade,
It the scenes cut to black,
If I forget all the rest,
I must,
I MUST
Remember you best.

Original Work: KH 4/3/14

Summer Storm

You were a 90’s kind of love
I felt your nostalgia
Simplicity filled my heart
I remembered a summer day
That heat rising from the ground
When you could feel the water in the air
Clinging to your skin
Everything was warm to the touch
The late afternoon thunderstorm rolled in
We ducked into the small little room
Our skin stuck together
Your fingers traced my lips
Felt my tongue
Wicked Game ended
Closing Time swelled and filled the room
You were my school dances
You were my youthful heart
Holding onto dreams
You were those movies I loved
The thunder crashed
Your fingers pressing into my hips
Grabbing my hand you swung the door open
We ran across the sidewalks
The huge puddles splashing onto our legs
We took a leap
Splashing into the pool
Hopping out lying on concrete
The lightning struck overhead
The sky an angry grey
The ground quaked with the thunder
My heart shook on it’s own
You rolled over to me
The light flashed in your blue eyes
Those violins played in my head
You were that decade
You were my Wonderwall
That moment in time
Quiet
Yet
Alive.

Original Work: KH 4/2/14