Calling

I hear something
Calling me,
But the sound is lost
Before it reaches my ears.
I wish to hear it,
And trap the melody
Of the words
Inside my mind,
But it’s gone too quickly.
The sound keeps calling
Never reaching,
Always at a distance
Untouchable
Unheard
My ears straining,
Desperate to catch a whisper
A breath
Of this hidden language.
If I could just hear that sound
Clearly
If it just came calling
Loudly
I could follow its music
Into the life I’m meant to live
Walking toward the echo
That is trapped in that hidden valley,
My eyes hungry
For the endless horizon
My future in the sunset
Fading into night.

Original Work: KH 1/7/14

How Much?

How much time ticked away
As each day
After day
I grew older
But not wiser
I grew up
But fell down
I had dreams so big
They could crush all of humanity
For they were certainly crushing me
Where did it all go?
All those minutes
Hours
Days
Weeks
Months
Years
I have no way to mark the time
No memories to guide me
So I know
I’ve been alive
I’m drowning in indifference
And aching sadness
Consuming my mind
Like a dense fog
In the early morning
Unwilling to lift
Until broken
By light of day
My soul is hit by a tidal wave
And it shakes me to my core
I stumble and fall
And I must teach myself
To remain on my two feet
At what age
Do I become strong
And sturdy?
Time cracks me open
And all of my rambling thoughts
And pointless daydreams
Come pouring out
Like the explosion of a star
Or a comet streaking midnight sky
And I feel full of light
Hurtling into endless night
Eternal darkness
My mind gets lost in dark matter
And I am left with time in my hands
Spilling out
Like water I cannot hold
As my tears mix in
And create a mess
Of broken dreams
And lost life
Broken hearts
And lost time.

Original Work: KH 11/20/14

Washed Away

On that quiet sea I float
Away I go
Away I go
I drift into the great unknown
The abyss engulfs
My mind and soul
The water wraps around me so
Poetic words shake my mind
Awake me to life and time
I could write
About the sea
And all it always means to me
For centuries that pass and fade
For time cannot bend or break
Eternal words through my fingers slip
Like water held inside my hands
And splashed across my warm skin
The letters of my phrases
Written to the sea from me
Decorate from limb to limb
I bathe in all I could not explain
And wash away my sins
My words still dance
Inside my head
To the sea
I do love thee
Forever and forevermore
I’ll come knocking
On your door
I float away
I float away
That quiet sea
It lives in me
I drift into the great unknown
And know I’ve finally
Found my home.

Original Work: KH 11/5/14

Goodbye, Hello

Where’d she go
Where’d she go
Oh my love
No one knows
She’s best lost
For quite a while
Wandering and rambling
Here and there
And everywhere
She talks of journeys
She speaks of paths
Not walked before
That exist
Just for her
She speaks in a voice
With a lyrical tone
Magical and musical
It moves round and round
She sings alone
As she walks down
That empty road
Her mind jumping
From place to place
Up and down
And back around
She’s always getting lost
In the thoughts
That consume her soul
Her heart beats for
The open road
Her feet always take her
Where didn’t know
She needed to go
But there she is
Once again
Searching for home
Where did it go
No one knows
Where’d she go
Where’d she go
Goodbye
Hello
No one knows
No one knows
She’s been lost
For quite a while…

Original Work: KH 11/5/14

Fool

Call me a fool
Say it
Scream it
I’m used to it
I don’t care anymore
So many times
That poor girl
Her head in the clouds
Her dreams in the sky
Floating away
On a cloud of expectations
And hopeless love
Always wanting more
Never satisfied
Never enough
More
More
More
That poor girl
She’s been like this
Since birth
How?
Why?
When did she lose her mind?
Somewhere along the way
I suppose
Oh that poor mad girl
Walking that path all alone
There she goes
Toward the sea
Toward that city
Far across the Atlantic
Chiming bells
Must have summoned her
Bless her
Poor
Mad
Soul
When did it all go wrong?
Call me a fool
But you made me this way
When did she go so mad
They will say
Maybe it was that day
All her dreams died
And she buried them
In that garden
Back in London
Where the flowers will bloom
Fitting for the neighborhood
Virginia Woolf
Keeping watch
One mad woman to another
Must stick together darling
Call me a fool
Do it
I don’t care anymore
I’m your fool
Your pretty little fool
When my dreams went
So did my mind
It followed right along
I guess I am
That mad girl
I guess I am
Just
Some
Fucking
Fool.

Original Work: KH 10/29/14

Lost

Every time I think I know what I want, my mind tries to tell me I’m wrong, that I want something else…I need to quiet all these voices that try to make me doubt myself. Every time I think I know where I want to be, to live, I doubt myself, and change my mind. I seem to be unable to decide the course of my life. Part of me wants to just try and live a relaxed west coast life, where I stop worrying about everything. But then there’s the part of my mind that keeps pushing me to Europe and grad school and adventure…I just don’t know. Maybe neither of these things will happen. Maybe I will end up living in New England near the ocean and a lighthouse and be a writer there. Maybe I’ll move to Los Angeles and eat organic food, do yoga on the beach at sunrise, and have a high powered career. Maybe I’ll go to grad school, and then move to Paris and work in a café, and become an ex-pat writer like Hemingway and Fitzgerald. Maybe I’ll move to Nashville and meet a musician and have some babies. Maybe I’ll move to a small fishing village in Ireland and fall in love with a local man. Maybe I’ll move to Seattle and find a life and career there. Maybe I’ll move to London, and find my heart, wherever I left it, and start all over again. I have no clue. All I know is, I want to live a life I’m proud of, that I am happy with, that brings me joy, and peace.

Days like this, I picture myself back on that cliff in Ireland, staring at the sea, or in Hyde Park on a sunny autumn day, or at a café in Paris on a quiet Sunday morning. I never know where I want to be. Maybe my heart will never be satisfied in one place. Maybe I’ll have to find someone to give my heart to, and that’s where I’ll finally find home.

Wonderland

I’m falling
Falling
Falling
Fast,
I’m tumbling down a rabbit hole,
Where it stops
Nobody knows…
Into the darkness
An endless abyss
I crash to the ground
Lost,
Everything amiss
I look to my left
I look to my right
Where have I gone
Where am I going
Where is this place?
It’s so quiet
Unknowing…
Is this limbo?
Or inside my mind?
Have I been trapped
By too much lost time?
This place is unhappy
Is broken and aching,
I wish to leave
But can’t find my escape…
The rabbit holds his watch
And taps his furry foot
Reminding me that every second ticks away
I must start another day
And find a way
To be okay…
There he goes
He’s left me alone
He goes on hopping past
Just like all the rest…

Mr. Carroll couldn’t have written
My tale too?
Could he?
For here I stood,
Another lost blonde girl
Like the one who came before me.
Another sad tale,
Another lost mind,
Although unlike dear Alice
I sure as hell didn’t find wonderland…

Ah but such is life
After all
As they say
In that little old song
What is life,
But a dream?

Original Work: KH 10/8/14

The Phoenix

Who was I
Before I lost myself?
Where did that girl go,
The one I knew,
So long ago?
I haven’t a clue
But if I ever see her again,
I’ll tell her to find you.
She had hope
And she loved
And I miss her.
She no longer looks back
When I stare in the mirror.
Where she went,
I really don’t know
She must have drowned
In her endless tears
And her dreadful woe.
But if she rises
Once again,
Like the phoenix
Birthed from her own ashes,
May she reign for many years
And wear the crown that was her right
Never again shall she be lost in the darkness,
Striving for the light.

Original Work: KH 9/18/14

A Prayer For All Of My Fellow Lost Souls

May you find
Peace in the eye of the tornado
Forever living in your mind
A safe harbor from the turbulent waves
That will always rock your soul
Shelter from the earthquake
That cracks wide open your heart
A quiet corner to escape to
When you’re wildly overwhelmed
By all of your consuming thoughts
A field of wildflowers to lie in
When you need to remember how to breathe
A roof to cover your tired head
When the storms coming rolling in
Unexpectedly
A warm, soft bed to sleep in
When your mind has had enough
And can simply take no more of life
Or living
And you beg for sleep
A plane to take you far away
From the demons that you’re running from
That will forever live inside of you
Love in unexpected places
When you never see it coming
But need it more than anything
Calm when madness seeps into your thoughts
Again
And again
And again
Joy in dreams fulfilled
And acceptance in dreams lost
Contentment that lasts
Not just happiness that fades with time
Although a dash of happiness I also wish for you
But above all
I wish you luck
In finding your path
And enjoying your journey,
And hope.
I wish for you to have hope.
May you be hopeful in every lost place,
Every broken heart,
Every tear fueled loss.
I wish for hope
For all of my fellow lost souls
May you always remember
That hope,
Is what guides the lost soul home.

Original Work: KH 9/17/14