I over think. I over think everything. Every decision, every choice, every action, even things that are hopelessly mundane and unimportant. I think of every scenario and every consequence of every action I make. I am a fatalist, so I always imagine and prepare for the worst case scenario. I imagine every possible scenario for every single occurrence in life.
If I’m home alone, I imagine where a burglar would hide in my house, and then I check every room, starting with the most likely, to least likely hiding place. I imagine every scenario of being attacked and how I would fight back, and how I would handle the altercation. I imagine what I would do in case of a fire, how I would escape. I imagine what I would do if my tires blew out when I was driving on the highway. I imagine what I would do if there was a disaster at work and I had to handle it. I always have to check my wallet and cell phone 800 times to make sure no one has stolen them from my purse. I imagine scenarios in my head and plan what I would do in every single instance.
I imagine the consequences of every single action and decision I make, not just in regard to how they would affect me, but how they would affect every single other person, and way in to the future. I look at every hurdle I would have to cross and I foresee every problem that could potentially arise and weigh all of the options and choose what’s best.
AND I’M FUCKING EXHAUSTED. It is so draining to live life like this. I want to be able to just do something and not care about what the consequences are. I want to go into my home and believe that everything’s safe and no one’s out to get me. I want to be able to relax and believe that people are good and wont hurt me, and that not every choice I make will hurt me and other people. I know that I need to stop living like this, it’s so unhealthy, and I know I need to let go. And I’m going to start working on this, because it’s beyond necessary at this point.
Original Work: KH 09/16/13
A journey from inside my head, out into the world 
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